Strudents

So I'm making some toaster strudels, probably not even really food, the pilsbury kind. They get all crazy if they are in the freezer too long once the package is opened. I know this. Be warned.

I have some cereal and I've been wanting it for weeks. I haven't had milk for a while because I was too busy at first, then forgot, then couldn't buy milk because I was scared I wouldn't drink it all before I leave for home. Or probably more often, can't really afford milk. I wonder how many other students face this little dilema. Even more so, I wonder who else used up the rest of the bailey's in the frige on their cereal. An exciting new world of culinary adventures in student kitchens. Surely this concept has been explored by others in similar circumstances, right?

Try Bailey's and Lucky Charms first thing in the morning! It's almost as good as milk, and gets you drunk by 9am.

close

i like
that we never
had to say
please
or
thankyou
or
iloveyou

i like
what was saved for strangers
was always just
understood

we are far from each other

i like
that we are that close

the hippidy hop.

"you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, should've, would've happened, or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. "
-tupac

Now I never knew much about Tupac. But as I go on a musical journey with him and his albums, I get why people cared why he died. Ya. I'm about 15 years late on that train. But it makes me wonder what other trains I'm late on. Just recently it occured to me that The Clash and The Police have a reggae beat in common. It's only by listening to entire albums that I get the artist.

I've been turned off of "rap" for decades. It left a weird taste in my mouth and I never really gave it a shot. It's like someone cooking you calamari and overcooking it but you don't know it because you've never had calamari before. You think "ugh plaagh gah this is horrible and rubbery. Did someone batter a condom and serve it to me? WTF!" and may think that calamari is shit and never eat it again.

Then you go to europe where they know what seafood is and how to make it and it's not overcooked and tastes glorious! (but don't eat squid. they are smarter than you. and it's not nice.)

Well the same thing can happen with music.

my brain's repeating

Experience tells me that I shouldn't say things out loud (posting on the internet included), at this hour, because the next morning it will seem stupid or trite.

These days seem to be full of getting excited about something and then realizing it's only about half as cool as I first thought. Sometimes the excitement lasts a long time. Sometimes years, sometimes minutes. Once it's over, there is just the moving-on to the next thing to occupy my interest. Interest or love or attention or hunger.

Surprisingly like hunger actually. Just as far as it's something that can be great and then you just have to go about it again in a few hours. How frustrating!

I wish I had more charming things to say.

Why you should Steal from Corperations 101

" In a world turned up-side down, you have to be a thief to be an honest man" Author of 'One Man's Quest for Vengence'

You grow up in a world where everything already belongs to someone else. You are expected to sell your life, your free time, in order to pay for the minimum you need to survive. You are surrounded by forces that are out of your control, and that don't care about your needs or welfare. Stealing from a corperation is a way to carve out a little bit of the world, back for yourself - to for once act on 'Them', who act so much upon you.

When you pay for something, you are trading your time and effort, for something. This isn't a negotiation though. This is not a loving relationship between you and other human beings. This is a corperation making money, off you.

The shoplifter gains his or her prize, not by exchanging their freedom, but by taking risks. Is life something that can be sold away for $9 / hour or is it something you take, or lay claim to?

Shoplifting is a refusal of the exchange economy.

It's saying "no" to everything you and I hate about corperations. You don't hate corperations? I guess maybe they aren't that bad. At least they: pay extremly low wages, have little to no benifits, and only make profit for a few people high up on the chain. They are awesome for the environment too. They're awesome for small private businesses too, who consist of real people, not a symbol.

Corperations are the kings of exploiting cheap labour, and not just here. They buy their goods at the lowest cost, no matter what.

Stealing from a corperation hurts a corperation and is the only means of protesting against them that will have the slightest effect. You aren't showing them 'dissatisfaction', you're saying 'fuck this'. It's costs them, instead of just denying them a few people's profit.

But what about the people in the corperations!? Friends. You are stealing from an non-human entity when you steal from Wal-Mart. The corperation doesn't pay the workers by how much they make that week or quarter or year. They fucking pay them as little as they can get away with.

But doesn't this drive up the prices for everyone if people steal? False. They charge as much as they can get away with. It's what they think you can pay, not how much it costs them.

So go ahead and argue about how corperations aren't just holding commodities for randsom, at our expense. Justify it for them, and play along. They like that.

bigger than it used to be

the idea that western society is at fault for everything is kinda funny to me. do other societies not have the same flaws we do? aren't they inherent?

no other Society besides Western is narcissistic? i think most of us humans are narcissistic and few of us get over it.

facebook is a problem with younger people. people younger than me, who do confuse the internet for real life. i have faith that the young internet generation will figure this out over time, but i'd rather not see that happen cuz it'll be bad. (not that i'm sure how to stop it.) if we, as older and wiser internet users have issues with facebook, what will the youngling's issues be! protect them we must. i read an article on making facebook work for the people like it once was supposed to.

it's an easy way out to say "fuck it. i don't like this. deleted."
we can't do that in real life. we can't take the people in our lives and "limit" when they see us and when they don't. there is no "hide" button running into ex's at the movies. the young ones of the future will have issues with this, just like a sci-fi book. relying on computers to do everything for them. even socially.

is this a growing concern for anyone else? that the world is too big for some of us? or all of us these days. we can burn 1000 bridges and there are still 100000 more? the world used to be smaller and we had to learn to fix things instead of just move along. run away. screw it. there is lots more. this is unimportant.

what is important? flying through life like a tornado leaving things broken behind you?

the counterpoint to this i guess being "cut your losses". but i think people give up too easy. i don't want to be one of those people.

internet visionaries

i've considered deleting my facebook account and come to these conclusions.

i'm irked by facebook being vilified. facebook isn't the man. i think there are more important "the man" 's to rebel against besides facebook. why delete it, conspiracies about your personal/privacy issues/information aside? conspiracies are fun but the common thread with ALL of them is that you can't prove or disprove them. i'ma say facebook, it's a tool like any other tool, one that possibly makes communication easier.

yes, of course it can be used by narcissists to make a virtual altar to themselves and plead that people pray at steps. we can waste a lot of time. but that's those people. use it within reasonable means, whatever that is to you, and accept your own limitations. if you feel the need to cut it out of your life altogether, by all means do so. but frame it as you overcoming your own personal weakness or gaining your security back, not as some noble act that makes you less narcissistic than everyone who did not. i use facebook for lots of sweet things.

my tangent rant would be about how people have a wrench in their gears and look to something like facebook to blame. but i'm ranted out for a while.

eat beet

Ingredients (serves 2 or 3 less hungry people)

* 1 bunch swiss chard, chopped

* 2 medium beets, peeled and grated

* A handful of roasted walnuts

* Tsp balsamic vinegar

* Extra virgin oil to taste

* A crumbling of goat cheese

Preperation

1. Bring lightly salted water to a serious boil in a large pot.

2. While waiting, peel and grate beets.

2. Chop up stems of swiss chard and set aside; blanch the leaves of swiss chard in the boiling water for 2-3 minutes.

3. When the swiss chard has wilted, strain and rinse with cold water to stop cooking. Press out excess water or the flavor will be diluted. Chop into 2-3 inch sizes and put in bowl.

4. Add the grated beets and walnuts the chopped swiss chard stems (or treat as celery and do what you would with celery) and drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Top with goat cheese and serve that shit up.

it's nice because it's raw-ish and raw foods are better. something to do with the nutrients staying intact.

a blog less heavy

i'll write this blog in some more calming colours.

i mostly want to get the serious stuff out of my head, onto the internet. maybe it should be on a piece of paper in a book that no one will read till i'm dead. but that doesn't appeal to me. it's a weight off my shoulders. i'm just very enraptured with how some awesome people changed my life in a dramatic way as far as animals and the environment goes. i've known the same information more or less for a while now, but for me, it took people to get in my face and ask me what i was doing. what are you doing shaun?

what was i doing?

after this last outburst, i think i can relax and reflect a little. it's nice. though some could say "you hardly did anything, you just wrote a long boring blog!" i guess. i guess i'm not punching walmart CEO's in the nuts or lighting fur coats on fire or whatever. maybe only 2 friends read it and think i'm stupider for writing it; i still know what i wrote. it's a tool for me to make sure i stick to what i'm saying. i wonder if others do this too. to keep them on their own toes?

you should read this if you eat

"Because one species is more clever than another, does it give it the right to imprison or torture the less clever species? Does one exceptionally clever individual have a right to exploit the less clever individuals of his own species? To say that he does is to say with the Fascists that the strong have a right to abuse and exploit the weak - might is right, and the strong and ruthless shall inherit the earth." Richard Ryder

what is:
the huge excuse not to act responsibly.

we want purpose and reason for doing something. especially if it involves some sort of sacrifice on our part. why do we seems to have the group mentality of not taking a serious issue, seriously. the jokes used to be funny to me. global warming will make winters awesome. now i cringe. the apathy is transmittable, i see it spread. we set standards for each other, tell each other what is appropriate. i DO feel like a douche saying "holy shit your so wrong we're all gunna die if we don't do something quick!" & telling my friends "don't order the meat-dish you fool. get something better for everyone in general" is hard. but why? no one else is doing it, but the expectations are low in the first place. is this a stigma? why is this frowned upon? it's an uncomfortable topic? or god said in the bible said it was cool to eat animals and that's good enough right?

.outside example.

throw one piece of litter on the ground and it doesn't "matter" in the most obvious sense. but the mindset of it does. other people seeing you do it, or seeing the litter as they walk by, does matter. i do mean that by throwing the litter once on the street, you are less likely to care if other people do it too. there is the contagiousness of it. i'm not under the illusion that everyone will literally start immediately throwing their shit all over the place. the whole city starts emptying garbages out the windows from apartment buildings. no. i'm talkin bout the attitude. the indifference. not being hard enough on each other. we aren't looking out for each other. we are letting ourselves get away with it. if you see someone about to be hit by a bus, do you say, nah i won't bother them? they may not want to be interrupted?

so tell people "ya i guess it's your choice what you eat. go ahead and order the half-cow sized steak. this is just my choice to not eat meat. don't have to listen to me." then expect them to take you seriously when you say you think being vegetarian is important or serious or not just a fucking hipster-fad. i started eating less meat, then being more vegetarian out of curiosity. what's it about? maybe i'll feel better. but meat, i miss you, i like you, i like cooking you. it's hard to give up. i'm not the guy who just doesn't like meat. please someone tell me how i can clean-consciously eat meat! i'd love to change my mind. i can't help but see that this much meat is bad for us. and for the "meat" that are animals. i hate people that can convince themselves of whatever they want. i can't be that.

.boiling down to.

how can it be ok to eat a cow or pig when you don't have to. i think the world would be better off if we were all vegetarian, or at least shifting in that direction gradually, the faster the better. it's about having the same standards across the board. imagine that is just a normal thing one day - people are respectful or at least conscious of what they're eating.

!shock!

the world would be better off with less rapists. people are pretty sure rape is bad. at least around here. now if i crack the case on an unoticed world-wide problem of tons of rapists all over the place, people wouldn't tell me to keep my views to myself or mind my own business or that it's their choice to rape or how much they rape or does a little rape matter that much here and there. i wouldn't be scared or feel unjustified saying something about it. we don't allow each other to do that kind of thing round these parts here. it's not savvy. the standard says no raping. there's no question if one rape really makes a difference in the big picture.

it's wrong no matter how you slice it. that's why i don't see a problem pointing out that eating the amount of meat we do in the world, is wrong. how can it be right? it's right just because it tastes good? we've been doing it a long time? what is there out there even. pro-eat-whatever-how-much-ever-i-want people tend to not say anything, or get defensive.

!solution!

eat less meat. the less, the better. don't tell people it won't make a difference. don't tell yourself that. every little bit matters. and every big bit matters more. challenge your neighbour or brother to be better about eating meat. if you think it's wrong, then don't be passive about it. go about it however you want, but don't cop out and be scared to rock the boat. the more vegetarians there are, the better the chances of me not having to eat some of the shitty veg food out there. the better the odds of finding something without meat on the menu that isn't an appetizer.

so is it wrong to campaign for animals who have no way to debate the subject themselves? it's not like the solution is complicated. the solution won't backfire. it's not solving AIDS in africa or child abduction in uganda. it's changing the way you eat.

*i may be doing this so that i can't turn back now. now if i eat meat, i'm a hypocrite moron. i'm stuck. . . whew!

**if you need non-animal reasons to be vegetarian, there is a slew of them. health. environmental. cost. that's another blog for another day.

1:50 am blog?

value.

expendability.

such important words. it's important to have a personal grasp on these ones. at least i think so. what is valuable in my life? what is expendable? what makes them that way?

effective advocacy - making a point

* disclaimer. you may feel offended or uncomfortable reading this. good.

the first rule is not to insult people. this is especially important when trying to talk to meat eaters, on behalf of animals. due to the fact that meat eaters whine like little bitches when you comment on their lifestyle. just kidding. calm down little bitches. this is just a test of how to effectively advocate something. i wouldn't start broadcasting my opinions on people who don't want to hear about it. that might be frustrating for me.

it'd do no good to insult the people who insist on killing defenceless animals for food when there are lots of pimps, drug lords, crooked cops, and politicians - rich sources of protein - that are roaming around our communities. that would be counter productive.

it'd do no good to walk the back yards of meat eating houses and slit the throats of fellow neighbours pets. and then dismiss the community's subsequent outrage as childish sentimentality. that would be anti-social.

we should be ready to make sure the people who already know better, aren't feeling guilty about their selfish cruel eating choices.

choosing not to eat meat is about being superior and pure. *cough* not about extending moral consideration to the other inhabitants of the planet.

it's ridiculous to think that just because we can't treat a gentle and sentient creature with some decency, that there is some correlation to how we treat our fellow humans, who are even more complex and unique.

nope, it's best not to rock the boat on this one. i'll just eat who i want to eat and you eat who you want to eat.

notes: Self

1. don't be scared to take chances, despite the possibility you could fuck up or face plant.
in following examples
2. try a whole wheat bagel with strawberry cream cheese and black pepper.
why did i think that would work, i don't know; but it does. *
3. playing drunk by yourself is harder than drunk with a band. you can forget your place with a band and people half notice but you can pick it back up pretty quick. by yourself, you're in a whole new game of concentration.
4. playing songs i've known how to play for years, are way easier than the ones i just learnt that week. is learnt a word? like burnt? ...nope. no, it's learned.
5. i can do this. what an attitude change! i played horribly, but felt a scrap of promise and potential. (thanks Blue, wherever you are)
6. i wish i did this years and years ago. i won't make that mistake now. or hopefully again.

*mint would make an awesome addition. and goat cheese?

seduction pt2

seduction is based on lies. fake-ness. on the way things seem, not how they are.

the book states that we look for other people to fill our holes. say if i have a weakness, i will look for someone that has that strength. whether i recognize that's what's happening or not.

this to me now, is true, but is laziness. it seemed natural at first, but in the end it is allowing us to stay weak. and when that person is gone, we're fucked. this should be avoided.

we should take hard looks at our own weakness. we know what we want to change about ourselves. we know we reap what we sow. if we aren't paying attention to what seeds we are planting, we're going to end up with a crazy-ass cluster-fuck.

we are so lacking the focus we need to stay on top of these things. the problem is that it's acceptable. a noble thing for me to set out and change. but i have to be change.

truth is the most important thing. the worst sin against yourself is convincing yourself that a lie, is true. that a wrong, isn't that wrong, and that a past, never happened.

seduction can't be at fault in all of this though. i want to look further into how seduction can be honest. not just oblivious. how can seduction work on a true and noble scale? do they just call that attraction? those two take some careful thinking to determine the differences between them. to see past the "act".

resistance is fertile

are we being sucked into green-consumerism? feel you aren't really helping the Earth unless you spend your income on Earth friendly products from “environmentally conscious” companies? does the green-left convince you that you can rescue this beautiful land by trading in environmentally-unfriendly corporations, vehicles, energy, food, factories, and house cleaning products for environmentally-friendly ones?

i'm not sure this is the way. i see some big problems in big cities because we've got a lot of sheeple. perhaps this is just my distrust of how capitalism works?

i think big companies care about capital, what’s going to make them money; and that is to exploit the consumer’s wants and desires. want to save the planet kids? moms and dads, save your children's future! buy this! it's easy, you hand over the money and you feel better.

corporations are still corporations, mass production is still mass production, industrial agriculture is still industrial agriculture, greenhouse gas emissions are still green house gas emissions, worker and animal exploitation is still worker and animal exploitation. are not a lot of oil, natural resoures, land, being used to produce eco-friendly products? how do we get around that? i'm thinking the only reasonable answer to the problem is keep up research in artificial intelligence and let the robots take over the world. then it's all their problem, and humanity will live in small bands of resistance at the earth's core where it's still warm, worrying more about our survival than blogging about eco-friendly products.

a Deep Impact/ Little Price crossover.

I Ching, you win again.

for the present,
Meng (youthful folly),
there will be progress and success. don't seek the youthful and inexperienced. don't pay attention to the troublesome. dispel ignorance, remove the shackles from the mind. punish too much and regret will come. this is a slowly evolving situation and the Yang is gaining ground.

for the future,
Sun (decrease),
if there is sincerity in sacrifice, there will be great fortune, freedom, and advantage.

in respect to,
Mountain,
the things most apparent, stillness and obstruction.
and
Water transforming to Lake,
where danger and the unknown give way to joy and attraction.

my mind is blown. and scared that sticks know so much about me...

damn.you.john.mayer.

quite possibly the most emo song i've ever admitted to listening to.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?

Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

aminals!

there’s a bipolar quality to our relationship with animals. both sentiment and brutality exist side by side. half the dogs in north america will receive christmas presents this year, yet no one gives a shit about the miserable life of a pig. an animal that is surely delicious, but no doubt as smart as a dog or smarter, but will end up being EATEN for christmas. and who the hell knows what that pig had to eat and how it died and everything else that pig had to put up with.

weird?

my problems lay mostly in the respect issues. needless killing of animals and in shitty, disrespectful ways. we don't need to kill the animals and if we ever do, it should be clean and quick and with great thanks if not at least purpose.

if i were King:

hang out with the pig, watch her grow up and have piglets. go see a live, squawking chicken and tell someone i want that chicken there to eat. be aware of what the fuck you put in your mouth. i can't fault (nearly as much) the farmers or chefs i've seen with a deep respect for their food. i saw chef ramsey almost cry when he took his chickens to be slaughtered for eating. he put effort into making sure those chickens were healthy for his own, quality control reasons. but he had to turn away when they were electrocuted. he named each one. he knew it was Furdy that he was cooking and eating. he had a different view on the animal. the animal had value at least.

what gives an animal value these days? how purely interbred it is?

VEGGIEDAG!

The Belgian city of Ghent is about to become the first in the world to go vegetarian at least once a week.

Starting this week there will be a regular weekly meatless day, in which civil servants and elected councillors will opt for vegetarian meals.

Ghent means to recognize the impact of livestock on the environment.

The UN says livestock is responsible for nearly one-fifth of global greenhouse gas emissions, hence Ghent's declaration of a weekly "veggie day".

Public officials and politicians will be the first to give up meat for a day.

Schoolchildren will follow suit with their own veggiedag in September.

It is hoped the move will cut Ghent's environmental footprint and help tackle obesity.

Around 90,000 so-called "veggie street maps" are now being printed to help people find the city's vegetarian eateries.

maybe it would work in toronto or montreal or vancouver. according to wikipedia, "The metropolitan area, including the outer commuter zone, covers an area of 1,205 km² and has a total population of 594,582 as of 1 January 2008, which ranks it as the fourth most populous in Belgium."

i'm excited for this to potentially work. it's gimicky enough for people to try it i think. get good publisists working on the project. health canada and the people who do milk and cheese campaigns. or "good things grow-ohh in ontario-oh" jingle writers. who will head up this project and where is the place to start it in canada...

I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

and boy did Gandalf nail that one.

choices.
fate.
things we can't change.
trying.

i don't know if i believe in any of these things. i can think of good reasons why each one, may not be real.

do we ever have a choice? i've been a victim of something besides choice many a time. for example, do we choose who we fall in love with? i think not.

fate seems more likely then. this was meant to happen. but i've had that rug pulled from under me too, and i think everyone has. feeling like you are where you are "supposed to be" and find that you kind of more or less wanted to be there. perhaps you were supposed to make a choice, but got lazy and decided to let life happen.

things we can't change. what if we can change anything and everything? again, i'm more likely to believe that human beings and myself, are just lazy. how do we become wise enough to know we can't change something. till i'm sure i'm THAT wise, i'll feel better trying to change those things i "can't". attack. fight. punch fate in the face.

trying. at the end of trying and trying and trying and trying, am i just wasting my time. that's the final question for me. it's not empowering, or positive. i guess it's nihilistic or futile. how much valuable time do you put into something before you are a lunatic. or an artist?

it must all be a question of when you play each card?
is there something to be said for a feverish zeal and passion? the ones who try endlessly, maybe dying without a single fruit of their labours? knowing you are meant to be where you are right now? choosing to believe in something, being the master of your own ship?

brother, there is no relief

"You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else."

this has never made more sense till now.
it occurred to me that some people, not knowing how to deal with an onslaught of horrible things dumped on them, develop a failsafe in their head called masochism. a syndrome?

what do you do when you can't take any more beatings? when it just doesn't seem to get much worse? learn to love it.

i think there are healthy(ish) ways to go about it. if you don't have a choice in the matter, for example. i say don't go out finding more suffering than you can get away with. but in the interest of becoming stronger through what doesn't kill you...

i'll practise taking it on the chin. who knows if it will do any good. but i'd always rather take the option that reminds me of Fight Club.

Roosevelt

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled. Not where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

the art of falling in holes

for me the big developments, the ones with impact, seem to have occurred when i realized that no one else was going to do it for me. only when i'm stuck in a hole for a while, and come to realize no one else will pull me out, do i really develop and i guess adapt, pulling myself out.

something needs to break in a sense, and then i look for a newer, better idea to replace the broken one. like when your refrigerator breaks. you need a new solution. i never thought i was so blind, i thought i was more perceptive.

but i'm trying not to be hard on myself. we aren't all refrigerator repair men. there are some things we can't see about ourselves. the options left, seem to be about being open to change. this is a recent discovery for me. i've always felt independent, but i've just realized in the past little while, how much i rely on other people for things. it feels so much better to know i can accomplish it myself. being secure with yourself seems amazingly more important than i first thought.

i have become thankful in a way for not having anyone to rely on. it means i had to rely on myself. a good feeling, that looked like treason at first.

is this a common thing with other people? i've been wondering lately if there is a better way for me to do this, besides being in figurative holes more often. this can be painful. the initial feeling of having nothing to rely on is a big hurdle some days. is there another way to change?

"Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then.” SirA.Hopkins

growing can hurt. so what. what else is there?

the hermit

After a long and busy lifetime, building, creating, loving, hating, fighting, compromising, failing, succeeding, the Fool feels a profound need to retreat. In a small, rustic home deep in the woods, he hides, reading, cleaning, organizing, resting or just thinking. But every night at dusk he heads out, traveling across the bare, autumnal landscape. He carries only a staff and a lantern.

It is during these restless walks from dusk till dawn, peering at and examining whatever takes his fancy, that he sees and realizes things he's missed, about himself and the world. It is as if the secret corners in his head were being slowly illuminated; corners he never knew existed. In a way, he has become the Fool again; as in the beginning, he goes wherever inspiration leads him. But as the Fool, his staff rested on his shoulder, carrying unseen his pack. The Fool was like the pack, whatever it was he could be was wrapped up, unknown. The Hermit's staff leans out before him, not behind. And it carries a lantern, not a pack. The Hermit is like the lantern, illuminated from within by all he is.

pep rallies

you know, pep rallies freaked me out in high school and they've only gotten weirder in retrospect.

cuts and pastes.

Of all the horrid, hideous notes of woe, sadder than owl-songs or the midnight blast, is that portentous phrase, "I told you so," uttered by friends, those prophets of the past.
Bear and endure: This sorrow will one day prove to be for your good. Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying once and for all.

book quote

he will desire any object so long as he is convinced that it is desired by another person whom he admires.


desire and love have for their object things and qualities which a man does not at present have, but which he lacks.


glances are the heavy artillery of the flirt: everything can be conveyed in a look, yet that look can always be denied, for it cannot be quoted word for word.

the art of seduction

borrowed or maybe stole a book from a friend of a friend. it's a penguin book called the art of seduction i think.
it goes over theories about who has seduced who in history. Cleopatra seduced Caesar and Marc Antony. in different ways at that. elvis seduced young girls of america and the world. so did JFK. Napoleon seduced France and Josephine Bonaparte seduced him.

i'm just thinking about how the book is basically breaking down love, and explaining it in a cold, mathematically-correct way. even if we don't mean to seduce, it doesn't mean that we aren't. very interesting.

to read through the book (i'm almost done) for the reasons of maybe seducing girls or preventing girls from seducing me, turned out to be folly. it's much more philosophical than that. the book actually shows me my flaws, my holes. things i want and lack. and makes sence of why i look for the characteristics that i do. understanding what you want is making it easier to find.

it puts a spin on seduction that is less evil and cold-hearted. we all seduce and we all WANT to be seduced. it's a matter of feeling in control, even though we aren't. it's a matter of confidence.

i'll give final thoughts when i finish the book.

vegetarianism

like it's a religious belief. like hinduism.
maybe that's not too far off.

most religions have an element of theory at it's core, theoretically. something that is important and meaningful. i guess it's when philosophies branch out and into a religion, that i start to become skeptical.

sticking to the topic- like a used piece of tape, the kind of tape you find already being used for something else, but you need tape for the moment and some used, slightly sticky tape, is better than no tape at all- i'm trying out a new vegetarian theory. the word vegetarian is a very poor word for describing what i'm trying to do, but i don't know any other words to use.

i'm talking about fucking, watching what you put in your mouth. watching what you feed yourself. being very concerned what is in these animals that we're eating, not so much as for the fact that we're eating an animal. there are more and more convincing reasons to not eat meat lately, for me. the reasons only became apparent once i listened to a very upset punk/metal/indie/i don't care what to call him, singer from Propaghandi.

it came in a simple explaination: why not resort to cannibalism? why don't we eat each other? well we go down the roads like 1. "it' s not healthy" and/or 2. "we are spiritual and would be defiling the soul".

1. we could totally cook human meat to a degree that was safe. it's stupid to think otherwise. an interesting idea in all aspects to me. it's fine to take a scientific stance to it. but i'm pretty sure we can eat each other safely. this may be disturbing to some. why? because we have faces? and names? interesting tidbit: we call a pig's flesh, Pork meat. we call thymus and pancreatic glands "sweetbreads". how endearing. science would say it's great to eat each other. the closer related the animal, the better it is to eat. it's less work for our bodies to do the converting. so i thought about this. challenge meat eaters to eat their pets instead of buying shitty chicken breasts at wal-mart. at least you take good care of your pets. you know what you've been feeding them.

2. are we spiritual? really? animals have no souls but we do? this whole planet has life on every fucking corner of it and we're the only ones that are something special? nah. i saw a fox on my hike a few weeks ago. there was no way i'd say i was more spiritual than him. maybe if i drugged him and tossed him in a lab, my results would show that Fox's do not scientifically contain a spirit like Homo Sapians clearly do. but that's just more bullshit. drug me and put me in a lab, do tests on me to see if i have a soul. your results will be as rediculous as whatever the procedure is.

so despite this whole rant, science and spirit aside, the issue is: do i eat animals or not. and if i do eat animals, would i eat a human.

-i'm reluctant to eat a human, so therefore, i feel there is some reason (deeper, that i still can't put my finger on) to not eat animals.
-if it comes down to real survival, i'll have no problem eating human or animal meat.

is there something to be said about the respect or lack of respect for slaughtering animals these days. i would feel better buying the meat of a cow that a farmer took care in feeding and watched over. feeding the cow real, natural food, watching the cow grow in a natural, free way. i feel that the respectful farmer would care about how the cow died. a farmer that names each cow and personally kills each one. i'll eat that cow. and be thankful.

is this showing the difference yet? compared to the frozen mcdonald's patty that has the splooge of satan in it? where money is the factor. and taste is secondary, and solved with money and chemicals. the cow here is no longer even an animal but an equation. put this into the cow, you get this. and it tastes bad, so put in this. and that. and add a fuckin clown and toy.

i hate mcdonalds.

some (more?) background

i like the comic book called Northlander.

it's not marvel or really technically DC (it's vertigo) so you know they care about things. starting a new comic idea is not as easy as trying to reinvent old favourites.

i'm Canadian, despite trying to cling to "Scottish heritage" because i believe it's more interesting or descriptive than canadian. i don't think i'm the only canadian that thinks so. we reach for something else to describe us. canada is boring and doesn't have much of a culture of its own yet still. besides hockey, which i am fine with, but reject.

they can both be considered Northlanders, canadians and whatever the hell my grandparents were.

and i like the cold for the most part. recently i told a friend that i would buy a parka with the rest of my money, and move north. she said she wouldn't blame me, but it's probably not very fun.

my background

is black, because when you look at your turned off computer screen, you see black.
that means when you see black pixels on the screen right now, when the computer is on, those particular pixels are OFF.

the blacker our computers are, the more energy we save.

it's probably saving the same amount of energy as it takes for us to let a fart go.

but I'M TRYING ARE NOT I?

end of explanation.

and why is explanation not spelled explaination? anyone?