sleep

Hey. I just woke up. It was very disorienting. It was just a nap. A twenty minuter. Which is cool for your brain. This is why = http://dustincurtis.com/sleep.html
He talks about an extreme power napping sched. that I've personally tried for a few months, up to the point that my schools classes really interfered. It's real. You can cheat sleep.

On that note, I'm going to eat some grapes now, and go back to sleep because my head hurts and I'm tired. Plus I punched the clown and can finally relax. For now.

police

police are a necessary part of society. they go out and stop banks from being robbed by rapists, and rapists from raping bankers. it's not a perfect system, but common, unless you are batman, i dont want to hear about how this one cop flushed your pot when you were 16.

people who spew constant garbage about "fuck th' poh-lice" should be exported to somewhere very deep in the darkest jungle where there are large cats or large rats, that will eat them alive.

if you have legitimate concerns with police over stepping their boundaries, go to a news station. otherwise, do what police tell you, be polite and suck it up like everyone else. problems with authority are for 10 year olds.

if you decide to pick a fight with cops, they will fuck you up. this also applies to bouncers and security. that's actually their job in the big picture. just make up for a shitty encounter with police by stealing from wal-mart or something. they have no security and can't do anything about shop-lifting anyways.

Super Silly Fun Jokes! and existential philosophy.

Today I was exploring the nature of duality. I drew a line down the middle of a paper to try and sort out this issue I'm having. Duality turned into more of a rectangular pie-graph with footnotes and lots of arrows. I still like polar opposite-type ideas, but they can fall apart pretty quick. A little about duality: Often measured by the Dualiness (D) that a particular thing may, or may not have. On a scale from 1 to 2; 2 being about as dual as you can get. There are pretty girls and there are ugly girls. The 1-10 scale is more common, but really, I think it boils down to 1-2. Either yes or no at the end of the night. But questions seem much more complicated while you're in them, and you are pretty sure there is options 1-100 staring back at you.

How can we be faced with so many hard questions? I want both tequila, and vodka. But not both. It's V or T. There is no real compromise. Vaquila is a harsh drink that tastes a little like maybe camel spit and rubbing alcohol. I lost sight of my point a little bit here.

I like the idea that we have two separate sides, even if they are extremely complex.

On one side of us, we have a fool. A romantic. Fire! Life on the edge, in the fast lane, fearlessly snorting coke off the dashboard. The left side of the brain some people say, the more creative and imaginary parts. Probably good in bed, but hey, kinda selfish too. Trampling over people who get in the Fool's way. Maybe rightly so in some cases.

The other side of us (or our brains? which is a totally different philosophical conundrum) would be a hermit. A realistic approach. Cold water! Wizardly, climbing a mountain near the sea, looking for answers in the horizons of the universe, contemplating Lady Gaga. The part of the brain that says "i need money", and tells us we shouldn't drink Vaquila the night before work. Caring about things other than bliss and happiness, drawn to spiritual ideas and/ empirical truth.

There's advantages to each! (Advantages! Advantages!)

Somewhere in my brain, knowledge of Buddhism, Tarot Cards, brain anatomy and a few others have gotten together and probably had an orgy and this is the brainchild*. I will copyright this philosophy and swear to outsell Ron L Hubbards common-sense bullshit.

*Brainchild is never a word I understand or use. I think I've used it correctly here, but more importantly, there is a play on words that I find funny.

So what I do some days, when I have a decision to make, I conjure a fool on one shoulder, and a hermit on the other. This is very similar to scenes in movies and cartoons where an angel and demon poof onto a character's opposite shoulders and explain what the best course of action might be. There is a hot and cold dynamic there that is kinda similar to my example, but less about what is "right" and "wrong".

Oh, and jokes. Um. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as substitute real meat. I heard this last night at Chapters. It's those librarian type girls, I tell ya.

better yet

beard content is transplanted here.

The facts* on Octopuses. (*not really factual)

Cephalopod intelligence has an important comparative aspect in our understanding of intelligence, because it relies on a nervous system fundamentally different from that of vertebrates. I'm saying that squids, octopi and other tenticle-y or slug-like creatures are not like us because they have no spine. This is probably important when we talk about how smart they are because they are kinda like aliens compared to us. Don't even get me started on squid sex and slug foreplay. There is a lot we don't understand about our squid friends and for some reasons, outlined here, I think they are the coolest and most elusive aminals, like, EVR.

Go back to the days where giant squids were known for demolishing galleons and schooners. Now we perhaps have had a resurfacing of squid-lore by the scenes of Crakkens in our movies. I find it cool-looking I suppose, but doubtful that these giantest of octopuses would be such violent beasts. In fact (actually it's not a fact) the bigger the cephalopod, the smarter it may be.

First off, these folks have no brains. Rather, no central nervous system to compare to our own. It's instead, strewn throughout their bodies. Therefore, there are more direct links between the giantness of the squid and geniousness of the squid. Octopuses have been conditioned, practice observational learning, and have spacial intellegence. None of this is proven and I find it a little hard to believe that squids know much about space. Unless they are aliens that came from space.

But what the fuck do we KNOW about these things?! Well, gentle and concerned reader, they steal whatever they find in lobster traps. There's like a child-lock on those things and well this clearly proves that they are smarter than children. They also have been known to steal food from fisherman's boats. Sneaky, and not afraid to climb out of the water.

They have very dexterous arms and suckers that are in some cases, as good as a human hand. Like us operating a locking mechanism. Except they can operate 8 of them. If you have one of those jars that you just cant get that fucking lid off, like, you tried the elastic band thing and the hot water thing and the guy with big forearms thing, chances are, a squid could do it. They're also strong like Hulk.

Cuttlefish are known for changing their colours as not just a form of camouflage but as a means of communicating with each other. More than that, they communicate with the squid on their left, with the left side of their body, and the squid on their right, with the right side of their body. AT THE SAME TIME. Though not all squids exhibit all of these traits, I hope one day they do and will read this blog and give me a painless death.

If you must eat animals, please stick to the dumber ones like dogs, cats, or monkeys.

The Unicorn

Infamous for many things, but named after only one

the unicorn always orders a soft serve ice cream

sticks it to his forehead

and walks around the restaurant

till it melts and slides away

Sometimes the melting takes a few seconds, but

other times you see him sitting

with cream running down his face

proud cone still intact.

I need one of these for my LIFE. please. thanks.

-Lately I've been feeling that my move across this continent has really just been a slingshot maneuver to sling me back to Ontario. Somehow, it's what I needed to gain some momentum.

- I looked at apartments in Toronto and found a few that would be ideal. Somewhere between "Yup, probably a roach problem" and "Ballin!". I miss friends there and can't seem to get around it. I'm not sure if it's a negative thing that I can't get over missing old friends, or if it's positive that I've found friends worth missing. I've never put it in context like that until just right now actually, and choose to see it in the positive way.

How, exactly, do they get so hot

mcdonalds pie
burns your tongue so fucking badly that
you can't taste a damn thing for three days after
when you'll order another two,
because of the one reason:

it's pretty damn cheap.

I'd never heard this poem before now. It is noteworthy.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

This makes me happy

This is a new device being used in Haiti.




It helps heal wounds faster because there is no air around the wound and bacteria stops growing? It also create a suctioned area around the wound to draw circulation. The bandage doesn't have to be taken off. Sweet.

"Zurovcik originally intended to field-test the device in Rwanda, but then the Haiti Earthquake struck. At the request of Partners in Health, an NGO, she traveled to Haiti with 50 of the pumps.

Currently, Zurovcik is verifying the healing benefits of the device, and developing a new model that can be readily carried and concealed. The one technical hurdle that remains is ensuring the bandage seals tightly--but after that, the device could benefit a huge portion of the 50-60 million people in the developing world that suffer from acute or chronic wounds."

Simple, cheap, help. Yay!

Panning for gold

The last time I wrote on here was a month ago. I'd like to think that I've been full of productivity that has cut into my blogging time. It's certainly a part of it. The other part of it is probably just how much Buffy the Vampire Slayer I've been watching to take my mind off being so productive!

Boredom is the enemy. Time alone with ourselves is the culprit. Shaun the Boredom Slayer. The fearless hero!

It's a totally great show by the by, and everyone should totally watch it, regardless of your opinion of Sarah Michelle Gellar. What I really want to get at though, is the secret to happiness and the meaning of life. I'm pretty close I think. I'm surprised how taking a slew of classes that seemingly have nothing in common, are all adding up for me. They do have something in common, it's the fact that they'll amount to nothing official at the end of the semester. I'll get a piece of paper saying I've completed the courses, and I'd as soon give that paper to the guy at the bus stop to roll a joint with.

We all have voids in our lives that we try to fill. This idea of a "void" slips into every subject I look at. It's what we fill that void with, that determines our feeling of happiness or fulfillment. What exactly is the right thing to fill that void with, I'm not sure yet. But I know that people like to feel productive. I know that trying to escape the void doesn't work. You can't avoid the Void! It's the plot of an existential horror movie. We fill voids with addictions to various things like Party or Sex or Work, but it doesn't seem to make us feel better? Temporary fixes.

Escapism. A tool, but a dangerous one. I feel like masturbation or porn fits in there somewhere but that's a different blog for a different day. The notion of "Get me the fuck out of here for just a while at least!" seems to be more and more common and apparent to me. Even more terrifying is the looming burden of needing to do something that isn't a waste of time. I've been feeling heavier and heavier since drawing my attention to what is really significant. But at the same time, feeling this heavy is better than feeling like a ghost, just haunting my way through life.

All in all, I still like watching Buffy because I think it's a social commentary on teenage life, but I am becoming very particular who I invest time in. Life is short so I am developing a strategy to spend time with the people I want. A lot like panning for gold...

New Years Revolutions

Yes.
It's time to do something crazy again.
I need to set an alarm, to go off once a week. The alarm would also punch me in the face. Like a red boxing glove on a spring from a bugs bunny cartoon. Written on the punching side of the glove would be "you're going to die soon". It' couldn't be predictable. It would have to keep me on my toes.

It would be my existential reminder to wake the fuck up. If this were a real service that someone would provide to me, I would pay well for it. People in my past have felt they were doing me a service by just letting me be, letting me sleep. That's not what I want or need.

"Is my life not all
that I thought it would be?
Is it simply ordinary?
Oh, is it far from all my fantasies?
I lay awake
I lay awake at night and brood
About the things I never do"

I'm going for the gold this year. My very own olympics, with just as much debt and social outrage.