Panning for gold

The last time I wrote on here was a month ago. I'd like to think that I've been full of productivity that has cut into my blogging time. It's certainly a part of it. The other part of it is probably just how much Buffy the Vampire Slayer I've been watching to take my mind off being so productive!

Boredom is the enemy. Time alone with ourselves is the culprit. Shaun the Boredom Slayer. The fearless hero!

It's a totally great show by the by, and everyone should totally watch it, regardless of your opinion of Sarah Michelle Gellar. What I really want to get at though, is the secret to happiness and the meaning of life. I'm pretty close I think. I'm surprised how taking a slew of classes that seemingly have nothing in common, are all adding up for me. They do have something in common, it's the fact that they'll amount to nothing official at the end of the semester. I'll get a piece of paper saying I've completed the courses, and I'd as soon give that paper to the guy at the bus stop to roll a joint with.

We all have voids in our lives that we try to fill. This idea of a "void" slips into every subject I look at. It's what we fill that void with, that determines our feeling of happiness or fulfillment. What exactly is the right thing to fill that void with, I'm not sure yet. But I know that people like to feel productive. I know that trying to escape the void doesn't work. You can't avoid the Void! It's the plot of an existential horror movie. We fill voids with addictions to various things like Party or Sex or Work, but it doesn't seem to make us feel better? Temporary fixes.

Escapism. A tool, but a dangerous one. I feel like masturbation or porn fits in there somewhere but that's a different blog for a different day. The notion of "Get me the fuck out of here for just a while at least!" seems to be more and more common and apparent to me. Even more terrifying is the looming burden of needing to do something that isn't a waste of time. I've been feeling heavier and heavier since drawing my attention to what is really significant. But at the same time, feeling this heavy is better than feeling like a ghost, just haunting my way through life.

All in all, I still like watching Buffy because I think it's a social commentary on teenage life, but I am becoming very particular who I invest time in. Life is short so I am developing a strategy to spend time with the people I want. A lot like panning for gold...